I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
