I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he puts the penis in happiness.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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