he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
