If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
