just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Drunk is not a location!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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