I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
