I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
