I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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