Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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