I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
