Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
