and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
