You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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