the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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