So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
