PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
