Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
