why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
