no, he came in my armpit
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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