Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
