That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it glows. i had to have it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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