We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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