I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
