# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm passing your future prison.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
