Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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