I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
