How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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