Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
