no, he came in my armpit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
