So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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