you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
