I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
