How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
