Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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