Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
