I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
