Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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