and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The air was thick with penises
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
