I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
