I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
