And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
