You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
