so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
