ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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