i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
