I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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