I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
