She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
