matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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