i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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