how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
