The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
