singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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