I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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