Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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